I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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