fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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