dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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