Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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