Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
