your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
