dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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