p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
