speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
