Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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