he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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