mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
