His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
