speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
