He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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