I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
