I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
