"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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