Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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