I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
