so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
