I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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