Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
