Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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