No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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