Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
