Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
