i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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