let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
