Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
