Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
