jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
