Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
