a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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