paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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