What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Send help, water and tortillas.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
