I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You need a sexual gate keeper
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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