Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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