I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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