I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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