i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
