remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
