It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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