We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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