Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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