You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
