My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
