At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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