just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
