I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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