:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
