Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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