it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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